RED FLAGS: A GIRLS GUIDE TO DATING

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The Single Life on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day day is here! If you are single, I don’t want you to worry! Don’t be like Danielle Staub from Real Housewives of New Jersey in the gif above. I got you! Let’s do this together, ok? To begin, I can talk to you about how I coped, because, I got married at 34, chile. So, I spent MANY Valentine’s days alone and at home staring the walls until I snapped out of it.

As a reminder, I was engaged once before I met my husband and everything ended abruptly when I caught my fiancee cheating. Like, literally caught him red handed. It was Valentine’s weekend! And to make it even more quirkly, he proposed to me on Valentine’s Day a year before. What are the odds?! Well apparrently, there’s been some research to show we were doomed on that day from the start.

I later came to learn that the University of Melbourne found those who marry on February 14 are 37% more likely to divorce. They are also 45% less likely to make it to their third anniversary than couples who marry on normal days. So, if that’s the marriage rate data, I see now why my proposal was a cold wet noodle that didn’t even stick to the wall. God knew best. He had my future with the true love of my life in mind the entire time. But, I digress!

I had a good reason to dread the day, but, I refused to not take it as a day to pamper myself. It’s a day about love , right? I thought, “I have to make sure to still make this a special day because I am special” (Psalm 139:14). Me being single was sad and devastating to me, but, I refused to stay home and allow the enemy to bring any more depression to me. I was daily battling depression. I deserved to have something to look forward to. I also realized that these special moments of being single were God grounding me deeper in findng comfort and security in being alone and getting to know myself until my husband came.

So, here are 5 things I did over the years to make my Valentine’s Day the best as a single girl. Let me know what you think!

  1. Galentine’s Fun!

My friends and I got together and made reservations at a cool sushi restaurant and caught a chic flick. Then, we came home and talked and laughed all night. Doesn’t sound like much, but, it was a blast to hang out with friends who were all in the same boat. Remember, when single and when you’re dating, don’t ever forsake your relationships and quality time with real girlfriends. It will get you through more than you know!

2. Do not give in to old snakes!

This may be a time when that ex all of a sudden wants to pop back up and see if you have any plans, ie: capitolizing on your lonliness. Or, a guy who you don’t really care for asks you if you wanna hang out. Out of boredom, you jump on one of these opportunitues only to regret it later. Remember! Even accepting this because, “you have nothing better to do” is still a form of chasing attention. If you dont like him like that…don’t go! Its not that serious, sis! Take this time to really be with yourself or friends. Don’t force anything and go home feeling empty. You can do this!

3. Pamper Yourself!

Go get a massage, or have the masseuse come to you! Visit the nail salon, take yourself shopping or order takeout and watch movies that make you laugh. Someone I know even cooks a new recipe for herself and buys a nice bottle of wine. Whatever relaxes you and makes you feel indulgent, go for it! Its truly your day.

4. Focus on your goals.

The day is about loving you. Put some music on, have your favorite snack and sit down somewhere and write out your goals. Update your vision board, make a financial plan, start chapter one of that book you want to write or work on your website or blog for you passion or venture. If you go this route, you will know your day wasn’t wasted at all. You bypassed the distraction of a romantic holiday and invested in you.

5. Affirm Yourself!

Lastly, make some declarations over yourself or spend some time in prayer to chase off lonliness and depression. No matter how you feel, set the tone of your day by stating powerful words (Prov 18:21). Try this prayer Devon Franklin recently posted.

There you have it! You can get through this day with joy, peace and lots of fun or relaxation. Don’t dread Valentine’s Day! Enjoy it. Remember, you are still loved. By God. Hold on to that and bask in it. You’re not alone. I’m right here with you!

Remember to subscribe and share! Let me know what you think!

Cortni Hill Washington
Cortni Hill Washington

My name is Cortni HIll Washington and I am the author of Red Flags: A Girl’s Guide to Dating. I am so excited to start this journey with you! I have been waiting so long to share all of my business! The laughter, the dating drama, and the tears.

Find me on: Web

Top 3 Ways to Date Healthy in 2019

Happy New Year!

I know, I know. Please don’t give me any shade. There have been no new blog posts for quite some time. I promise to change that! Don’t kill me! In 2019, I am adopting consistency. So, here goes!

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New year, new me, right? New year, new relationship? Well, I have been there. I remember one year, I was like, “this is it”! Its my year to meet my man, my husband, my soul mate. I was claiming it in the name of Jesus! I joined two well known dating sites. The first one resulted in me canceling my membership in 17 hours. I literally saw every man I had ever dated since junior high on the site and I refused to have any parts in that. It was also creepy. I was thinking, “wow, this is my dating pool? What the hell? Its a graveyard of boyfriends past.” The second site claimed to be Christian based, but, was full of creeps. Chile, I closed the laptop realizing, this wasn’t how I was going to meet him.

Now, that’s a page of my story, but, as you know, that’s not how my story ended. There’s hope! And so much fun to be had. Once I took a step back from trying with all my might to meet someone, dating actually became a fun way to meet new people and an easy way to eliminate who I was not clicking with. When done the right way, dating should be healthy and fun. If not, what the hell? Let’s dig in..

  1. Have fun! Not too much fun, though..

Is he a Christian, attractive, does he smell good? Is he funny with a great job or business he owns? If you like him and there are no weird vibes coming from him over the phone or when you have seen him around in person, do it! Go on the date if he asks.

But, lets say you like him, but you also like Peter who you’ve been on 3 dates with as well who you are still hanging out with. Go! Have fun and get to know people. Make friends if that’s the season you are in. But, here is where I caution you not to have too much fun. If you are dating and having sex with multiple people. Slow down. Be extremely cautious, especially if you desire marriage in the future. Devon Franklin says “recreational sex past a certain age is like recreational heroin”. Author Tracy McMillan even says this is why many women aren’t married. As you repeatedly experience that oxytocin release with multiple partners you are creating soul tie after soul tie with man after man. As much as we can say, its casual and consensual, we are sending a message to God, the world and these guys that we are not to be claimed with a ring, we just want to have a good time. Stings a little, but, I only speak the truth in love.

2. If you don’t like him, STOP.

I don’t know how many times myself or my friends have continued to date guys we don’t really like. I’m laughing as I type because I remember a guy who I truly didn’t care for. I wasn’t at all attracted to him, he was a bit odd, awkward and he was always bugging me! I knew he liked me in a romantic way, but, I continued to go out with him because he enjoyed going to nice restaurants (I know, shallow, right?). Anyway, the second he tried to kiss me, hold my hand or put his hand on my knee, I was near vomiting. I found him revolting, Chile.

All of my girlfriends were doing this. We had that annoying guy who made us cringe when we saw his text or call come through and we never did anything about it but, continue to oblige him with dates! The whole thing is hysterical to me! Why do we do this? I can say from experience that whenever this happened, I was either lonely, hungry, bored, in need of something from these guys (steak dinner, accessories, cash, etc.) or all of the above. Hey, listen to me clearly. That’s not OK! If we don’t like someone, end it. Its that simple. No need to go on anymore dates just because. No need to prolong the ultimate end where you ghost the poor fellow because someone more interesting likes you now, sis. Date in a healthy way and be honest with him that you don’t feel the same way about him. I know that conversation is difficult, so, I also told guys that I wasn’t dating right now and I hope they understood. Make yourself clear that the romantic interest is about a zero.

I believe in sowing and reaping. If we sow positive and respectful dating practices, eventually we will reap them. Just be honest! We surely don’t like when a man uses us and strings us along, so we cannot practice the same qualities because we know exactly how that feels.

3.  Do not, I repeat, do not ignore the red flags!

This is actually the easy part that we all seem to make a little to hard. This is the where the selection process begins and the good qualities and non negotiables are made extremely visible. Here is where the men who are wrong for us begin to eliminate themselves by exposing qualities and behaviors we have no desire accepting. For example, he tells you on date number two that he still lives with his ex because, its complicated and they are focused on raising their kid together to not confuse the baby. Is this A) A red flag or B) an endearing quality of his to “focus on keeping his family intact” in the meantime ? You tell me.

OK, I’m going to pray and fast that you chose option A. See how easy that was? That simply means he’s not the guy for you. No need to linger and try to get him out of that house with his “ex”. Let him know that you are not going to be able to date someone that obviously appears to be in some type of current relationship as that is not the standard you have set for yourself. Don’t go back and forth about it, don’t allow him to tell you he will be out soon. Just end it. That’s it. Wash you hands, move on. Deuces. Why take on a project when God is trying to get the love of your life to you? If the future love of your life happens to show up, you sure don’t want to be seen with this clown. I’m just asking you to allow red flags to be what they were meant to be, an aid in the elimination process. You’ll be glad you did!

But, most of all, keep working on you! You are dope! You have so much going for you. Maybe you have a few wounds from your past, but that’s nothing God and therapy can’t heal. Be so whole and complete that you only attract the same. Do the work on you and God will see to it that you have the compatibility in your partner you’ve been praying for.

Remember to subscribe and share! Let me know what you think! Until next time, Lovers!

Cortni Hill Washington
Cortni Hill Washington

My name is Cortni HIll Washington and I am the author of Red Flags: A Girl’s Guide to Dating. I am so excited to start this journey with you! I have been waiting so long to share all of my business! The laughter, the dating drama, and the tears.

Find me on: Web

3 Signs You’re Not Ready to Date


Hey, Lovers! Let’s get to it.
  1. You just got out of a relationship.

Too often, we know the friend (it could be you actually, so don’t start pointing to one of your girlfriends) who ends a relationship with a guy and is in ready to hit up all of the “Sunday Fundays”, match.com, club it out, or go back and recycle an old ex to quickly fill the spot of whoever just left. I think blowing off some steam after a breakup is awesome! After, I called off a former relationship, I partied a lot, traveled and went on a slew of meaningless dates. Eventually, I came to realize that I was not meeting quality men and I couldn’t figure out why. I now understand that the wet remains of pain from my old relationship and preexisting issues basically turned into a stench of mildew on me. Yes, strong comparison, but, I went there, chile. While, I thought I was ok, I wasn’t.
As my mom would say, I needed to get somewhere and sit down. I needed to be with myself and allow God to begin to reveal those layers to me and heal them. I had baggage that still needed to be unpacked, so to speak. When we don’t address our issues, we walk around with “mildew stench”. Just like you can smell it in an old house, men can smell it on you and slowly begin to realize that you may not be someone they need to take too seriously at the moment. So, take time to relax! Be alone for bit! Whether the breakup was big or small, you will be amazed at what you learn about yourself and that past relationship by just stopping for a season and allowing yourself to heal and breathe from what just happened.

2. You are still in “Stalk Mode”.

 

You STILL troll you ex’s page or the page of his new girlfriend, the former other woman, side piece, his momma, his baby momma’s page…I could go on and on…(from experience). Or maybe you are still driving past his job or home or making a point to pop up at places you know he frequents. In other words, you aren’t over you ex. And don’t say you’re just nosy. Something about creeping all over your ex, including his associates and family (just in case they post him or something about him) on social media is addictive! Where is the lie? Is his life ruined since you guys split? Is he fat now? Do I look better than his new boo? Oh! He has a new boo? (*scrolls to her page and begins to stalk her too). Is he out of town? If so, with who? Does he still work at the same place? Is my life way better than his right now? Hey, listen to me. STOP! Lock your screen, block him, unfollow, take a social media fast, maybe? For the love of God, stop spending the valuable time you should be using for healing, easing back into single life and focusing on your purpose and the beauty of being single on playing Law and Order on this man’s social media, sis.

When I was doing this, I convinced myself that I needed to know these things, so, when they made their way back to me, I wouldn’t be surprised. Huh? Looking back, I’m confused as to what sense that makes. Cutting myself off from the stalking eventually brought the focus back to me. That’s when I began to heal and had no desire to keep playing Angela Lansbury on Facebook and Instagram. It was truly keeping me from moving on.

3. You are emotionally unstable.

You are battling depression, low self-esteem or any other indication that requires intensive therapy or counseling. After I called off my wedding, I dated a series of crumbs (aka:not marriage material). I now know it’s because I wasn’t my best self and I was attracting people who were as unstable as I was at the time.

If you feel like, your depression will vanish once you get into a relationship, or you find yourself using verbiage like, “I need someone to complete me”; a relationship is the last thing you need right now. If you feel as if a man will save you from the loneliness and emptiness you feel or finally make you happy; you absolutely need to step back and look in the mirror. New relationships in your life do not make your issues go away, they only magnify them and more than likely cause them to grow and become more apparent to others. So, if you suffered from depression as a single woman, the initial chemistry of a new relationship may give you a bit of temporary relief and the excitement of the newness of romance. However, you will find yourself clinging to the person for dear life to keep this feeling going. What started as warm embrace will ultimately end up in you sucking the life out of them because you are depending on this man to keep you happy, whole and satisfied. The thing is, he should have met you happy, whole and satisfied in the first place.
I’m a huge advocate for Jesus, prayer and therapy. Those 3 things have revolutionized my life. Get the help you need to heal and evolve into your absolute best life. Do it now!
Remember to comment, subscribe and share! Let me know what you think.
Until next time, Lovers!

Cortni Hill Washington
Cortni Hill Washington

My name is Cortni HIll Washington and I am the author of Red Flags: A Girl’s Guide to Dating. I am so excited to start this journey with you! I have been waiting so long to share all of my business! The laughter, the dating drama, and the tears.

Find me on: Web

My Story


Hey, Lovers!

So, here goes. Just like the gif above, I’m pretty shy and guarded. It’s a bit hard for me here, because, I have always been private regarding my life. But, if I have the nerve to tell you about yourself, you deserve to know about me, right?

I was raised in Channelview, TX as an only child in a pretty sheltered household, by a single mom, in a village of a grandmother, aunt and older cousin. I use the term “sheltered” because my mom gave her life to the Lord when I was 7 and our lives went from not going to church, to literally going 4 or more times per week. She became an ordained minister and started to run different ministries in our church and even join their staff. Needless to say, I lived at church (I wish you could see my face and how I’m rolling my eyes and chuckling to myself). Even with that bit of annoyance, I wouldn’t have changed a thing! As a grown woman, I can look back and appreciate all of it. Its crazy, but, I feel as if I learned how to love God for myself, stay a virgin as long as possible and I literally have never touched one drug. Not even weed or an edible!

But, as a result, in high school, kids called me “square”, “lame, and “super Christian” to make me feel like the values I possessed were so archaic. I went on to be bullied for these things. It was hard, I didn’t understand it and I cried a lot. But, therapy helped me realize, (yes, I occasionally go to a counselor as well as quarterly marriage counseling with my husband with no shame) that the things that made me different, my virginity, being a Christian, choosing my friends carefully and rarely having a boyfriend were so odd to my peers that it caused some of them to look themselves in the mirror. As a result, from being young and immature, they bullied me because our differences made them uncomfortable. All of this was later confirmed again because, multiple people from my high school confessed this exact thing to me when we were later adults.

So, I took a year off after graduation, waited tables and later started community college while working as an apartment leasing agent in downtown Houston. I loved it! Several of the Houston Rockets and Astros lived on this property so we had a blast mingling with them and hanging out. I graduated with a BS in Communication Studies from the University of Houston-Downtown. I later went on to become a successful sales rep in the pharmaceutical world. But, while in college, I dated, partied and traveled with my friends. Going to college and working downtown was awesome! I was having the time of my life literally like 7 nights a week! In those days, I was young and didn’t need coffee two minutes out of bed to function, chile. I met my boyfriend who lived at the property where I worked. We later got engaged, he cheated on me and I was out. Don’t worry, you’ll hear the full story in my book. But, the killer is… all of these things went down while I was a virgin. Literally, the first man I made love to was my husband and it was on my honeymoon. Whew! Now you know. Only my closest friends and family have known this and I feel so liberated telling the world.

Post breakup in Vegas

You see, I had a burden on me spiritually to honor God with my body. That was really important to me. I felt so strongly about waiting for my husband and not creating physical, emotional and spiritual ties with multiple guys that I would ultimately have a hard time getting past. I saw some of the aches that my friends were going through in their relationships and it made me even more so want to maintain what I was doing. Year after year went by and I was constantly faced with guys who ridiculed me or acted as if they were impressed with my “purity”, but would later berate me about it when they were “frustrated” .  I knew I had the choice to give in or keep going. Literally, God gave me the strength to keep waiting.

In the process of all of this, I was the person my family and friends constantly came to for advice in their relationships. Even though, I still had a great deal to learn myself and still do, people trusted me with their issues. I learned so much from them and myself in this process. My straightforward view on God, love and what I had learned in relationships caused people to trust me. I was on speed dial for every breakup, “girl come get me”, “Cortni, can you come over because this just popped up”, “Girl, can we pray over the phone because I’m about to go fight this man” situation and I loved it! I have a heart for hearing women and helping women. In return, it helps me and pours into my soul. I just love it. I want to see us all in the best relationships possible and that’s why I’m writing this blog.

On a dating sabbatical, my aunt introduced me to my husband and the rest was history. I knew he was exactly what God sent to me from our very first date. I walked away thinking about how much I knew he was exactly what I had prayed for. We dated for a little under a year and got married 7 months later. It is the best thing I have ever done. He is the epitome of God extending his love to me through my partner in life. He is my very best friend and with him, I’m totally unveiled and freely in love. I’m so thankful. And I’m even more thankful that I waited for him.

 

This whole journey caused me to do a lot of “journaling”. I started writing down all of the things I chose to ignore in my relationship with my ex fiancé. I told my friends about it and we all started sharing crazy stories about “red flags” from past relationships. As a  result, my godmother gave me the bright idea of my book being released this fall. Its loaded with warnings in the dating game and I’m super excited for you guys to read it and give me some feedback..

That’s me in a nutshell, but, you’ll learn more as we get to know each other!

Cortni Hill Washington
Cortni Hill Washington

My name is Cortni HIll Washington and I am the author of Red Flags: A Girl’s Guide to Dating. I am so excited to start this journey with you! I have been waiting so long to share all of my business! The laughter, the dating drama, and the tears.

Find me on: Web

Hey Lovers!


This blog has been a long time coming. For years, people have suggested to me that I blog and share videos about relationships, but, I kept putting it off. I made myself think that posting on social media was enough to share my passion for women and relationships. It wasn’t! I also talked myself out of it many times because I wondered what gave me the right to give you guys advice?! I used to be so “judgy” when people had a relationship blog and no man or husband. I would think, “Girl, call me when someone puts a ring on it, because you sound like a fool telling me what to do to find or keep a man and you are Lonely Lucy over there”. Then, when God sent my husband, I was like, “well, I have only been married for 5 minutes, so, maybe now is not the time to act like I have all the answers over here”. Lastly, I even thought to myself, “well, I don’t have a lot of followers, so, who will even care”? But, those days are over. I’m happy to be blogging and creating a community of women who know they are not alone in the world of dating and relationships. We are in this together!

I can only speak from my heart, experiences and things I have observed over the years. If anything comes across harsh or overly traditional, please don’t charge it to my heart. I love women, I love being a woman and I adore seeing women happy, successful and in loving relationships. I am the girl who will be up all night watching proposal videos on YouTube, crying for people who I will never meet. If I just met you and you randomly tell me you are going through a breakup or divorce, my heart immediately aches for you and I have to hear the story to give my two cents. I have cried and prayed with random people in restaurant bathrooms, clubs and doctor’s offices who opened up to me about their love lives and just needed someone to talk to. With that being said, no shade will be thrown, only truth and love. Leave comments and let me know what you think. I’m open to hear your feedback!

So, welcome to Cortnihillwashington.com ! Here, anything goes. I want to hear from you guys about your relationships and I want to tell you about mine. I want us as women to date as healthy and as happy as possible knowing that a man doesn’t complete us, but, a good man simply enhances our lives. I speak from experience when I say that because, that is something I came to realize for myself. I have this odd belief that relationships are not supposed to be hard. I know, calm down. Don’t shoot me. But, for years people have told us that “love hurts”, “relationships are hard work”, or you have to fight or overlook some things to be in a lasting relationship. Why?? What the hell? Why do I have to be in deep one on one therapy just to have a partner in life? My theory is that somewhere, we got it wrong and started to teach each other to accept wrong, embrace wrong and see “wrong” as love. I hope you know that by “wrong”, I mean wrong treatment.  Wrong treatment and ignored red flags go hand in hand.

Why am I so passionate about this? Because, I used to abide by the “relationships are hard work” mantra. I accepted being 45th place for numerous men I dated and even one I was engaged to! Of course I had thousands of signs that we were like water and oil for each other, but, I kept “fighting “ and accepting wrong to show him that I was loyal and loved him. All the while, I had not allowed myself to fully accept the conclusion that he was going to eventually break my heart and be bad news for me in the long run. So, trust me, I get it, I’ve been there.

Together, let’s figure this thing out, build ourselves up and go on to the best relationships that God has in store for us. We can do this! You are not alone, Love! More posts to come!

 

 

Cortni Hill Washington
Cortni Hill Washington

My name is Cortni HIll Washington and I am the author of Red Flags: A Girl’s Guide to Dating. I am so excited to start this journey with you! I have been waiting so long to share all of my business! The laughter, the dating drama, and the tears.

Find me on: Web